One day, the pilot of a Lancair 360 was told by the tower to hold short of
the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Lancair. Some quick-witted comedian in the
DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"

Our hero the Lancair pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
backwith a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
that, and I'll have enough parts for second one."


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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked".

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah", the pilot remarked, " the dreaded seven-engine approach".


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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.

While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your
last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".


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Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the
flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."


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"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"