Sorry about this non-Lancair posting. I just had to send it.

>QANTAS AIRLINES
>
> After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe
> sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
aircraft
> during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a
piece
> of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the
problem,
> which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half
of
> the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next
flight of
> that plane can review the form before taking off.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
> sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and

> responses with P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution
and
> action taken by engineers.
>Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
>
>
> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they' re there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed