Sender: <marv@lancaironline.net> (Marvin Kaye)
To: lml
Date: Thu, 13 Mar 2003 14:58:30 -0500
Message-ID: <redirect-2051710@logan.com>
From: "IIP" <IIP@hawaii.rr.com>
Subject: Airplane problems
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Sorry about this non-Lancair posting. I just had to send it.

>QANTAS AIRLINES 
> 
> After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe 
> sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
aircraft 
> during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a
piece 
> of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the
problem, 
> which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half
of 
> the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next
flight of 
> that plane can review the form before taking off. 
> 
> Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a 
> sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and

> responses with P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution
and 
> action taken by engineers. 
>Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
accident. 
> 
> 
> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. 
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. 
> 
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 
> 
> P: Something loose in cockpit. 
> S: Something tightened in cockpit. 
> 
> P: Dead bugs on windshield. 
> S: Live bugs on back-order. 
> 
> P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute 
> descent. 
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 
> 
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 
> S: Evidence removed. 
> 
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 
> S: DME volume set to more believable level. 
> 
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
> S: That's what they' re there for. 
> 
> P: IFF inoperative. 
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 
> 
> P: Suspected crack in windshield. 
> S: Suspect you're right. 
> 
> P: Number 3 engine missing. 
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 
> 
> P: Aircraft handles funny. 
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. 
> 
> P: Target radar hums. 
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 
> 
> P: Mouse in cockpit. 
> S: Cat installed